Leaning In

One of my sweetest memories is sitting in church with my girls when they were younger.  Their friends would often bring colors and paper for drawing, but I preferred not.

Often my girls would join in the drawing when the sermon began, but that didn’t entertain for long and soon, I would find them slowly moving in closer; one girl on each side, nearer.  Sometimes one might lay her head on my shoulder and lean in with her hand wrapped around the inside of my upper arm, squeezing it a bit like a hug.  Other times, she might lift my arm to skooch underneath it and get closer to lean into my side, and under my wing.

It was never bothersome or distracting.  I knew even then, that one day, I would miss those sweet moments of closeness.

Being a parent often brings me closer to God; just contemplating how He, as a Father, sees us as and our relationships as children and family.

Recently I was seeking to encourage my daughter in some choices she was struggling to make.  She so wanted her life to follow a direction that would truly be an uphill climb. 

As she strained, spun and scrambled to make it all work her way, she found herself frustrated and discouraged.  So in a brief text, I sent her the following verse:

Proverbs 3:5-6

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

As the bar scrolled across my phone, sending the words across the many miles that separate us, I was brought close to the memory of her leaning near to me on that church pew just 10 or 12 years ago.

Oh how dearly God must love us.  How His heart must ache for us to lean on Him; to rest our head on His shoulder and wrap our hand around His upper arm.  Or if we could be so bold as to skooch a little closer and lift His arm for a safer place, nearer to Himself. 

I close my eyes and picture the pew; I am sitting in a quiet chapel.  I take a deep breath; hold it for a moment.  As the tears roll down my cheeks I let go with a sigh.  I relax my muscles a bit more, and I lean into Him.  It is safe here.  I can let go of my thoughts; those worries and plans that I try so hard to wiggle and shift into this puzzle I call “my” life.  The picture I’ve held so firm in my mind begins to blur as He gently hugs His arm a bit more around my shoulder.

“You ready?” He whispers softly. 

I know He is waiting for me to look up; to look at and acknowledge Him.

Slowly I begin to lift my head and as my eyes move across His tranquil expression, our eyes meet.  They are brilliant; they see me.

“I know the plans that I have for you, Lisa.  They are wonderful and hopeful.  I will not let you down.  But you need to trust in me even though you don’t understand.”

"But this is so hard, Lord," I creak.  I am undone.  While I want so much to relax my full weight into Him, there is still so much of me that wants 'my way' to work out.  The dream I've got dreamed up looks so nice from where I sit.

"I have a better plan," He replies without a moments hesitation.

I've been here before; this where grasping for something only leaves you with aching arms and empty hands.  I take one more deep breath, let it out, and as I relax all of me and lean further still, I open my hands and let go.

As I bow my head in prayer to Him, I say,

“You are my hiding place; you preserve me from trouble.

You will surround me with songs of deliverance.”

Psalm 32:7

And for a moment, before I open my eyes…  I believe I hear the soft voices of angels singing over me.

It is not possible for us to “plan” our life; nor would I want to.

I have lived long enough to find that I cannot do it nearly as well as God!

He thinks of everything, knows everyone and has unlimited resources.

Amen!