Merci' Mercy

Whew!  Not my best workout, but I was faithful and felt invigorated.  I kept to my schedule and got off the stationary bike in time to get home, shower and take my daughter to school.  This was the last year to drive her.  Soon, my sweet Freshman in high school would be getting her license and hold the keys to new found freedom; well at least a little bit.

The text came right as I was getting in my car:

“Okay, so last night I realized that I did throw away my book cover.  I’m really, really sorry.  Can you please take me early from home and possibly stop by Walgreens or something for another?  I’ll pay for it.”

Just as my heart rate was slowing to normal, my emotions revved up for their workout!

I waited a moment before I replied, started the car and tried to sort out what I felt like doing and saying versus what God would have me do; what was the right response.

You see, I had been school supply shopping more than once so far this school year.  The first time was before classes began and we went together buying all the things she “thought” she would need and wanted.

Then after the first day of school, “the list” came home of the items she must have.  But with athletic practice after school and new loads of homework, she just couldn’t make it.

I had gone, willingly, to get the items only after she wrote out a specific list so that I would not be held accountable if something was missing.  And I do remember the very item from the text: a book cover.  I hadn't bought one of those in years.

After I brought the new load of supplies home, I watched as they simply sat on the table.  Where was the urgency that night?  Or the next?  Where was the “Thank you.”

Hmmm, they must not have really been needed. 

But then, the evening came where they were all integrated into the backpack and the trash was bagged up…. and left in the middle of the room.

In our small rental space, I have learned to keep quiet and just clean it up; and I did.

So when I got her text this morning, I had to put into action a lesson that I had just heard yesterday from a well-respected Christian leader and teacher. 

She was teaching on the mercy of God.

Psalm 103:8-9

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and plenteous in mercy and loving-kindness.

He will not always accuse, neither will He keep His anger forever or hold a grudge.

Her challenge was to BE MERCIFUL, because God is merciful everyday, multiple times a day, with me.

Then she continued the challenge to be mindful to NOT even mention it when someone else makes a mistake or causes a problem; even to the point of seeing how many times in a day you can NOT mention it.

I remember thinking, “Ok, that means there will be a challenge soon.”

And this was my first.

Now this might not seem like much, "it's just a bookcover!"  But I often debate within myself when is it the time to let my child learn the lesson?  When do I not bail her out?  As opposed to being a helpful and supportive mom. 

Didn’t I already by this book cover with all the other supplies?  If it was so important, why did it not get put on the book first, before everything else was stuffed in that backpack?  Did it really get thrown away, or was it wedged under a table or amid a pile dirty clothes on the floor?  And why was this high school teacher giving a grade on a book cover?  Those types of grades are against policy?

And most important, I'll miss my morning shower!  Well, at least I'll have to put it off for a while.

Only seconds had passed and the arguments continued to twirl round and round.

And then, as I started the car and backed out of the parking space, I’m sparked by the mercy challenge.  And I recall that in addition to not mentioning the mistake, I have to avoid the trap of making her think somehow she “owes” me.  Or that she knows how a great person I am for fixing the mistake.  Ouch!  Pride wounded.

So as I pull onto the street, I press speed dial and call her.  I swallow my, “I told you so” attitude and tell her that I will go to Walgreens before coming home.  She is pleased.

I am at an intersection near the store, sadly, they are not open at 6:45 A.M.  I text her from the red light, “On to WalMart.”  Leaving my pride in the car, and dressed in my sweaty workout clothes I search the depleted school supply aisle.  I wander up and down thinking I must have missed a small stack of them, or even one last little book cover tucked somewhere by mistake.

I ask out loud for Jesus to help me find a book cover, risking the thought that someone might think me crazy.  Nothing.

I am only slightly comforted by another woman searching the same aisles, keys in hand.  She looks to be a desperate mother trying to save her child before school as well.

I head back to Walgreens, hoping they have opened by now.  The lights are on…  The book cover is there.  Success, praise Jesus!

I push open the shaded glass door of the store to exit to the parking lot and am greeted by the most beautiful sunrise.  I pause.  I truly believe it was God's mercy; a beautiful gift simply because I am trying.  I listened, I reflected and I am working on changing my heart.  It is not easy to let go of my pride, but I can smile in His sunrise of grace.

As I drive home, I contemplate my words.  How can I be sure to have the right words, right expression, lack of sarcasm, irritation or pride?  I pray for God’s wisdom.  It may seem such a small circumstance, but I know that it is part of the test.

I want to pass this small test from God.  Heaven knows, if not, the next one will be bigger and harder.

Beside that, it is a lesson for my daughter.  I want her to be merciful as well; this is an example for her.

I have not even made it home when she calls.

“Yes, I have found one.”  Our conversation is brief.  I don’t want to blow it!

As I come in the house, she greets me; she thanks me.  I simply hand her the book cover and change the subject.  We begin talking about other events of her day.

But I watch her as she opens the package.  Our conversation is brief.  I turn to get something out of the refrigerator and she is at the kitchen table putting the cover on her French textbook.

As I pivot around, I see her clutching the book close to her chest, eyes closed and lips slightly moving.  I am humbled.  She is saying a prayer.  I am not certain of the words, but they are dedicated to God.

And in my heart I say, "Thank You, Lord, for teaching me to tether my tongue and pack up my pride."

Mercy won today.

Psalm 86:5-7

You, Lord, are forgiving and good, 
abounding in love to all who call to you.

Hear my prayer, Lord; listen to my cry for mercy.

When I am in distress, I call to you, because you answer me.