Forward

“Two more weeks. “

That’s what my orthopedic surgeon said during my three-week post-op visit.  Since having surgery on my left foot, I have been unable to bear weight on it.  Ummmm, that means standing, walking, waiting in a line, “running” an errand.  Now, she wants me to stay off it for an additional few weeks.

I’m taking it day by day.  As a wife who manages a household; a mother who taxi’s and attends to the likes of two very active girls; a middle school teacher who travels the hallways filled with students focused on self -- Crutches are not an option!

Before the day of my surgery, I set my mind on renting a knee scooter to take the place of crutches.  I can be quicker, more independent and multi-task.

Crutches keep your entire body busy and off balance.  My scooter allows me freedom to move and clears my mind to focus on a task, rather than, “don’t fall”!

It’s taken me some time in this life, but I’ve finally realized:   EVERTHTHING we experience in life is SPIRITUAL.

Crutches are like me living my own life, in my own control, on my own schedule.  It seems like a great idea.  Until we realize we are limited, weak and wounded.  We grasp and struggle to stay balanced in life; constantly thinking, “don’t fall”.

Only when we understand that “our way” is a life spent picking ourselves off the ground, do we realize that, if we just had balance we would be free to “glide” though life with the comfort and peace of knowing that He is in control.

Living the spiritual life and seeing that God is in control, is the best way to find freedom.  That sounds so backwards.  Someone else in control and we are free?  Yes!  We are free to live in peace and know that we don’t have to carry the load alone.  Whew!

According to Ephesians 6:12, “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Seriously?  Spiritual forces?  That is not something I feel that I can control.

Sounds too heavy! 

Or………Wait, I can just count on God.  What a relief.  After all, He’s a Spiritual Force.  I’ll let Him handle it.

Jesus told us in John 10:10, that, “he thief comes only to steal and destroy, but I have come that you might have life and live it to the full.”

I am daily placing my faith in Jesus and His love for me.  Gliding, I choose to give the control of my life to Him rather than leaving myself vulnerable and open to the thief who shakes me and knocks me off balance.

The funny thing about this knee scooter is, that while it has handles, and an axle that will turn the front wheels, the turning radius is huge!  I can go forward with ease; smoothly coasting, leaning and resting as I propel myself.

But, get yourself in a tight spot, a small bathroom, a long hallway…….. The “turn around” is not going to happen.  So you try to back it up, inch by inch, like backing a horse trailer with a truck!  This is not working!  Then….. Stuck, calling for help.

Maybe that’s why God intended us to look forward in life.  He gave us eyes in the front with feet pointed in one direction.  He wants us to move forward.  He does not want us to go backward; to constantly fret over the past, dream of what could have been or live with regret.

That is how you get “stuck” in life.  God gave us a vision forward and wants us to trust in Him. 

Then, I had an epiphany about just that thing.  After my doctor said those words, “two more weeks,” I was immediately worried about the upcoming travel with my youngest daughter to an out of state volleyball tournament.

How would I _____________________________? (fill in the blank)

Driving, airports, flying, shuttles, tiny hotel bathrooms, that narrow aisle on the airplane, the pressure up in the air……  I could go on.

And then God nudged me!  This was not news to Him.  He did not just fall off His throne with this prescription from my doctor.

No.  Even before He created me, He knew this weekend would come and that I would be given, “two more weeks”.  It’s not like He slapped the side of His head and said, “Oh wait!  I forgot about the scooter!”

He knew.  He would be faithful.  Forward, I go.  No regrets, worries or control.  I will rely wholly on the strength of God.  I will glide in His grace and favor.

Grocery Shopping

As I recover from my foot surgery, I find that I am deeply frustrated by the lack of control in my life; more so, my lack of independence.

Without being able to bear weight on my left foot, I am dependent on a knee scooter to get me from place to place.  A much better option to crutches, this scooter allows me to carry items from place to place and maintain balance.  However, the weight of this appliance is such that I cannot get it into and out of my car without a helper; thus, my lack of independence.

Each errand has become a favor asked.  Someone, usually my youngest daughter, must accompany me everywhere to help me in and out of the car.

I used to love a few errands on my own on the weekend.  I could shop at my own pace, without having to explain my logic or plan.  Aahhh!  That was complete control.

In an effort to provide for my family, I typically do the grocery shopping one to two times per week.  This, on one foot, seemed a daunting task.  So, I had asked someone to help me by grocery shopping for me.

We keep a magnetized shopping list in the pantry so that whenever the last of some item is consumed, it can be put on the list for the next trip to the store.  In my absence the list lacked much!

I asked my daughters to make out a list and then my independent helper could shop for me.  After all, this grocery shopping was not solely for my good, but for that of my entire family.  I had cash in my wallet and was ready to hand over the list.

My request came a day in advance.  But, reminders were necessary.  It seemed that my request for this help was far down on the list of this less than helping helper.

Obviously, there were other more important things to be done on their list.  Tasks, favors and fun with those outside of the family, that clearly were more desirable than grocery shopping.  But, somehow, I was assured that it would be done.

The day came and the rush out the door made it apparent that my “friend” had not put me at the top of their “to do” list.  I would have to be “worked in” to their plan for the day.  They left without the list, without the money.

I felt neglected and unloved.  How could I, such an important person in their life, who had given up much time and effort for them, fall so low on their priority list?  My heart ached.

My anger intact, I immediately wrote them off.  I texted my helper that their services were no longer required.  (Needless to say, it’s been two days since this event and I still haven’t made it to the store!)  My jealous heart had gotten the best of me.

Now, not only were my cupboards bare, but my heart and soul as well.  I was empty.

Then a call from a friend offering to bring dinner revived my spirit.  When she arrived, in addition to the meal, she brought with her a book.  She told me how she had recently purchased this book to read herself.  She had not even cracked the cover when she felt God telling her to give the book to me.  (A Confident Heart, by Renee Swope)

That night, after a nice meal, generously provided by God through my friend, I began to read the book.  Tears poured from my eyes and soul as I read of the love God has for me and how much He desires to accept me as I am; injured foot, lack of control, and all! 

How many times in my life has God nudged my heart to help a friend or speak a kind word?  Have I always been faithful to do so?  No.

He has asked me to do the “grocery shopping”.  It’s not that God needs help, like I do.  Surely, He is capable of all things.  But this is how He provides for His family.  By using His children to work together, helping each other. 

In my efforts to maintain control and independence, I have often moved His grocery shopping errand to the bottom of my “to do” list and worked Him into my daily plans.

How that must hurt His heart.  Me, His creation, walking through my life, independent and carefree, not even giving a notice of His provision and care for me.  Thinking that I could make my plans and ask Him to bless them. 

I set the book down and confessed out loud, tears streaming down my face.  “I love you, Lord.  I am sorry that I have ignored Your plans for me.  They benefit many in the family of God.  Forgive me for being so selfish and not putting you at the top of my list.”

Control and independence are over-rated.  Only when we release them to God, can we find a peace that surpasses all understanding.  Only the will our healing begin.

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.  You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.”  Hebrews 10:35-36

Thorns

Welcome to my new view:  a layered gauze and ace wrapped left foot.  Buried beneath, is a 3 inch sutured wound on the bottom and a 2 inch closed incision on top.  It’s been a long journey in one shoe.

It was the first week of school.  As a teacher, I had spent the last three months in flip-flops and sneakers; my days of relaxing in comfy shoes had ended.

Back on my feet all day in work shoes.  So, it’s understandable that when I got home, off came the shoes!  As I stepped onto my kitchen tile, and headed for the fridge, something stopped me in my tracks. 

Ouch!  What had I stepped on?

At first glance, it appeared to be nothing.  I continued my day.  But, each and every step proved to me that something indeed was in my foot.

That night, before bed, I probed and pinched.  Certain that something remained, I was unsuccessful in my excavation!

Days turned to weeks.  The pain came and went, but I still believed something was still under the surface of my skin.

I sought medical help.  After multiple orthopedist and podiatrist visits, inspections of my foot, x-ray, MRI, excision and injection, nothing helped; everything hurt.

Weeks had turned to months.  It was clear that the medical help I had sought, had only worsened my condition.  And don’t think I had given up on my belief that something was in my foot!

I survived walking through each day in one shoe and an orthopedic boot.

I sought a new opinion by an orthopedic surgeon who not only specialized in the foot and ankle, but also used her feet to run the Boston Marathon and conquer the Iron Man.

Surgery now recommended; it was clear I had waited to long.  The orthopedic boot that I wore for months had simply cushioned the injury and minimized the pain.  Pain that had good reason; it proved something was wrong.  Something buried beneath the surface had caused damage deeper than I knew.  Even the advice of “experts” had caused me more harm than good.

No matter the composition of elements that described this foreign object, its constant presence in my foot had caused me great harm.  Simply state, I had a “thorn”.

In 2 Corinthians 12:7, Paul tells us of a “thorn in the flesh” that torments him.  The imagery of a thorn is used repeatedly in the Bible from the very beginning.

And, it is clear from the Bible, that thorns are the result of sin in our lives.

God spoke and created the Garden of Eden a perfect place.  It wasn’t until after Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden fruit and expressed their own will over that of God’s, that thorns appeared.

Thorns became a reality; as a curse of sin in Genesis 3:17-19.

Thorns in the Bible are described as afflictions (2 Cor 12:7), adversities (Prov 22:5) and evils that choke out the truth (Matt 13:7,22).

Thorns appear in many areas of life.  They might be on a vine that keeps us fearful from grasping the beautiful flower or fruit at the end.

They might be buried beneath the skin, shallow or deep, they can cause a needless irritation.  Or, untreated, can cause great destruction.

We need not fear the thorns.  But, rather, need to acknowledge their ability to harm us.  If we seek God’s presence in our lives daily, these thorns will be more apparent.  But we also need to ask God to search our hearts and find that sin which might be buried deep, covered by scars of life, and even justified by our own thinking. 

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  Psalm 139:23-24

Our hearts can harden and cover our sin.  Our thoughts can justify and we can even falsely rely on others to rationalize how our sin is not harmful.

But the heart knows.  God knows.  We need to confess that sin.  Cleanse it from our heart.  Dig deep and debride the infection inside that causes us frustration, sadness, depression and even anger.  God can bandage us and heal us with His peace.

But only after we acknowledge the thorn (sin) and confess it to Him, who wore them as a crown, as He was crucified.

“…and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head.”  Matthew 27:29

I have confessed.  I am cleansed.  Still, it takes time to heal.  Recovery often takes time.  But, I will trust in Him for this healing. 

Shoes

I love to shop for shoes!  It’s one of the few parts of my outfit that cannot possibly make me look fat!

But that’s not why I wear them.

Historically, shoes have been worn for protection.  According to Wikipedia, the foot contains more bones than any other single part of the body and is most vulnerable to environmental hazards such as sharp rocks and hot ground.  Shoes were worn, originally, to keep us safe from injury and protect the sole.

God tells us to “put on” the shoes of peace.  We must choose to put them on.  He wants to protect our soul with His peace, but first, we have to take mental action.  Peace doesn’t always just come to us.  While God can provide it supernaturally in times of crisis, on any other routine day, we must actively choose these shoes.

But what style are they?  Sneakers that lace?  High heeled pumps?  Flip flops? Bunny slippers?

Shoes come in various styles for various needs.  Fashion tells us that we can use shoes as a “pop” of color, a finishing touch or to lengthen the leg.  Often times, they “make” the outfit.

When putting on God’s shoes of peace, we need to choose the right pair for the day ahead.  God says we need to be prepared.  Sometimes it’s the simple prayer of a casual pair of flip flops slipped on an easy Saturday of errands.

But then again, we might need to sit down with our bible and in devotion to God strap into some combat boots and gear up with a stack of memory verse cards that will help us fight our battles of a rough day ahead.

Either way, until we step out of the house in our shoes, no one will ever know we put them on.  The act of wearing our shoes of peace in our daily lives can be an encouragement to others.  When we can walk through our day “unruffled” and go through difficult or uncertain times, the peace of God can be a witness of His Good News.

As we walk around after daily putting on those shoes, we can even wear out and out grow a pair of shoes.  It may be that God grants us a bigger pair that we now need to “break in”.  As we face some new trial or circumstance irritations of life can give us blisters.  But, if we hang in, our shoes will start to mold to our feet and soon be our favorite old pair.

Ephesians 6:11-18 (New Living Translation)

Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.