Babies Cry a Lot

She didn't speak to me for at least a day. It was my punishment.  After all, it was entirely my fault; I had taken her playmate away.

Fifteen years has passed since that day and I find myself facing the silence once more.  The house seems so empty without her.   Not that she had ever been a loud child, but she was always here, close by my side; my first-born daughter.

She left for college to start a new chapter in her life, after so many years spent training, sweating, and practicing. Finally, the goal had been achieved: college volleyball.

Instead of starting in the Fall like most Freshmen, athletes often begin in the summer for two-a-day training and summer school.  The campus has a hushed tone, and the buzz of the typical social crowd is replaced by the wave of the Texas heat.

Into week two and a few phone calls home, I realize that I didn’t get this one right.  My daughter was not experiencing the “greatest time of life” that her dad and I spoke of as we reminisced our college past.  She wasn’t living the life envisioned all those years she had practiced and dreamed. 

How did I forget the lesson learned so many years ago…  babies cry a lot!

She was three years old when we excitedly shared the news that she was going to be a big sister.  I was 12 weeks pregnant and it was the “safe” time to tell others that we were expecting our second child.  So, we couldn’t wait to tell our sweet girl, too.

And sadly, three weeks later, our baby to be, was no longer.  After we were certain that there were no sign of life, I had to undergo a minor surgery.

How do you explain this to a three year old?  Just telling her the baby didn’t exist any more wasn’t reasonable, nor true.  He (we decided it was our boy) was in heaven with Jesus and that is what we told her.  He was not strong enough to live here on this earth and God wanted him close.

But three year olds are concrete and believe in what is seen.  This was too conceptual.  It had to be someone’s fault that her “playmate” would not come home.  I guess it became mine.

It was so strange to feel her disengage from me for a day or two.  But, knowing she hurt too, made me stronger through the process.

After the tears dried and the laughter arose once more, I was given advice for my next pregnancy.  “Don’t tell your daughter that you are pregnant until she asks about your big belly.”  And, “Tell her that when the baby comes home it will cry and sleep a lot.”  And, whatever you do, don’t tell her that she is getting a playmate.

The big lesson here:  Set reasonable expectations to avoid disappointment.

The lesson then:  Babies Cry a Lot.

The lesson now:  The first part of the freshman year at college is a hard adjustment.

How on earth did I forget that?  My freshman year was rough!

But, my husband and I were looking back on the full four (to five) years of college as a whole experience and the great part of life it can be.  We beamed when we told our daughter how great these years ahead would be for her.

Uh oh!  We forgot to tell her that, “Babies Cry a Lot.”

I realized that over the years I had just grown to be so strong for both of my daughters.  I have given positive pep talks and held my chin high.  I have cried with them and prayed for them and held their hand often. 

But I have not told them how many past struggles I faced.  How did I get so strong? 

I had pain. 

I was lonely. 

I was hurt. 

I was lost. 

I struggled. 

I found life hard at times.

Sure there have been many happy and joyful chapters in my life, but I don’t think I have taken time to share the most difficult times; those times when I really had to reflect on who I was, how much I needed God and lean heavily on Him.

And when I didn’t?  What a mess.

But when I did; what a beautiful story!

It’s great to tell our children of the good times in our lives.  But, I think we also need to let them know we have struggled as well, to be vulnerable; and, like babies, cried a lot.

 

Exodus tells us of how God led the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt to the Promised Land.  God gave them the Ten Commandments through his servant Moses, but not without struggle for His people for 40 years of wandering.  He told the people not to forget the struggle and to tell their children.

Deuteronomy 20-25

 The next time your child asks you, “What do these requirements and regulations and rules that God, our God, has commanded mean?” tell your child, “We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt and God powerfully intervened and got us out of that country. We stood there and watched as God delivered miracle-signs, great wonders, and evil-visitations on Egypt, on Pharaoh and his household. He pulled us out of there so he could bring us here and give us the land he so solemnly promised to our ancestors. That’s why God commanded us to follow all these rules, so that we would live reverently before God, our God, as he gives us this good life, keeping us alive for a long time to come.  It will be a set-right and put-together life for us if we make sure that we do this entire commandment in the Presence of God, our God, just as he commanded us to do

Double-Decker Living

The offer came much quicker than we had expected.  Time to buy boxes and tape, ready the sharpie, and set to packing.

God had placed on my heart and mind the notion to list our house for sale.  But never did we believe that it would sell in 36 hours.  And while, yes, that is very much a blessing, it came with a hearty helping of stress and anxiety.

With less than 30 days to find and move to a rental house, the journey back in time began.  We had worked hard for years to establish good credit and build the equity in our home; we had increased our square footage with each new move, finally feeling like we had “arrived”; and, we had.

How odd it felt to begin to sell our furnishings and take load after carload to donation centers so that we could downsize to fit back into a home the size of that in which we first began.

Days before the move, our oldest daughter left for college, leaving our younger daughter alone upstairs in our large two-story home.  Even though only one person had vacated, the echo left behind was enormous.  We did want to downsize.  But this wasn’t quite how I pictured it.

Moving day came and I answered the door to three hearty, heavy lifters who began to reposition our lives.  I was still trying to box and label the last remains of our “big” life, praying that God would sustain me through this weary process.

Trip after trip, my hearty, heavy lifters marched in and out, strategically choosing each piece of the puzzle to place on their truck.

As the last load left the doorway, I stood in the cavernous space of this home we once chose, recalling the day we moved in.  What an odd circumstance, it might seem to some, to give up the dream home for a whispered voice.  I felt no regret or sorrow, only the fatigue of the physical.  I was at peace, still.

The drive to unload was brief; barely enough time for anyone to really catch their breath.  As the doors to the box truck opened, the challenge began to disassemble this well packed puzzle of furniture and play a new game: “Double Decker Stack.”

My hearty hefters were happy to hear that I was not too particular about where to place the furniture, but rather “fitting” the furniture in the house.  I stood in the middle of this 1650 sq. ft. rental pointing to one side or the other of the living area.  Boxes were clearly marked for one of the three bedrooms.  The rest was stacked in the garage.  The unload was definitely quicker.

As the empty truck pulled away, I stood in the middle of the stacks.  Welcome to Double-Decker Living.  Most of what furnished our 3000 sq ft Dream Home, now formed a maze of chaos.  Boxes and furniture stacked nearly to the ceiling.

Somewhere in here, I need to find myself.

First order of business, ready the sheets and fall in!  I thank God for my soft mattress and commit my tomorrow to Him, as I know my head can no longer keep track of the many “to-do’s” that rattle about.

But as I drift off to sleep, My sweet Lord reminds me, that I am in His perfect plan; and I will rest well.

And I ponder this verse:

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I realize that this verse can often be quoted, but wait, here’s where I found new joy.

At the end of May, I resigned my teaching job to commit time to the Lord and to write and give my time to women’s ministry.  See how the next verses read: 12-13

Then you will call on Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek Me with all your heart.

Wait!  Is He speaking directly to me?   I mean, it fits my life exactly.

• He has a plan for me (Jer 29:11): to sell my house and move me quickly to a new place.
• Then I will call on Him, pray to Him and He will listen (Jer 29:12): I now have time to grow in Him and know Him deeper.
• I will seek Him and find Him (Jer 29:13): As I learn more of Him, I will write and I can share Him with others 

How cool is God! 

He means for us to read the Bible and realize that it is His way of speaking to us personally!

My faith is in Him and His plans for my life.  There is no coincidence.  His plan is perfect and I will strive to follow.

My Manna

Ever left the dishes in the sink a little too long?

Or, maybe, put off the changing of the cat litter until the clumping factor has lost its “clump”?

And, darn that pile of wet, stinky laundry that just never quite made it down the stairs and into the washing machine!

My kids really get tired of me asking them to do these, and other necessary evils around the house.  Sadly for me, sometimes they know that it will drive me crazy and they wait me out.  And, often I’ll just end up just doing them myself because I cannot stand the smell or grime any longer. 

But most of the time, they just hear me say, “Delayed obedience is still… Disobedience!”

And yesterday, God said the very same thing to my heart.

Funny how being a parent can help you get a sense of how God must see us as His children.

You see I’ve had this very strong heart’s desire to follow hard after God and to pursue my writing.  I want to honor Him and bless others with the wisdom He flows into my heart and mind.

There are times that I get these “holy cow” ideas and inspirations and cannot wait to write about them.  I get them when I’m running or working out.  I get them when I’m waiting to pick up a carpool of kids, or whenever….  But then I get distracted and busy with the next event or task and forget to take the time to sit and write out the thoughts that God has placed on my heart.  And at the end of the day, when I remember, I feel regret  and simply make excuses or rationalizations about how busy I am or how I’ll get to it when life becomes a little more sane.

Until yesterday, when God said to me, “Delayed obedience is still… Disobedience!”

All those moments of inspiration that came over me and blessed my heart are like dreams I had at night.  You know how you wake up certain that you will remember the dream.  But later that day you can only line up together bits and pieces.  And the big picture and beauty of it are now gone.

Try telling that dream to someone else.  It makes no sense to you and sounds crazy to anyone with whom you share it.

It was no dream what God did for the Israelites who wandered in the wilderness for 40 years.

In Exodus 16, the Bible tells us of how the Israelites circled the desert, continuously cycling though their search for God, learning His commands, obeying Him and then altering His commands to fit their lifestyle a “little better”.

Hmmm!  That didn’t work out.  Life not going so well for them; let’s start the cycle again: search for God, learn His commands, obey Him and then…

You see, back in the wilderness, there was not much to eat.  The Israelites complained to their leader, Moses.  Even after God had led them out of slavery in Egypt and promised them a better life, they kept losing their way.  So God provided nourishment along the way.

Exodus 16:4   The Lord said to Moses, “I’m going to send you food from heaven like rain. Each day the people should go out and gather only what they need for that day. In this way I will test them to see whether or not they will follow my instructions.

13 – 15  …in the morning there was a layer of dew around the camp.  When the dew was gone, the ground was covered with a thin layer of flakes like frost on the ground. When the Israelites saw it, they asked each other, “What is this?” because they didn’t know what it was.  Moses said to them, “It’s the food the Lord has given you to eat.

21 Each morning they gathered as much food as they could eat. When the sun was hot, it melted away.

31 The Israelites called the food manna. It was like coriander seeds. It was white and tasted like wafers made with honey.

Many of us have heard this story so many times that it has lost its wonder.  God provided for these people for 40 years!  It even says in Exodus that their shoes and clothes did not wear out and their feet did not swell!  (look it up)

Walking around for 40 years in the same shoes! C’mon!  Do you see some wonder!

And for the manna, World English Dictionary lists several definitions to include:

1.  Divine or spiritual food

2.  Any sudden or unexpected help, advantage, or aid to success.

So, God said to me, “Delayed obedience is still… Disobedience!”

And then He said, “I refresh your soul each day with the rain of spiritual food to aid in your success.  But you need to gather it each morning and follow My instruction.  For when the day is done, it will melt away like in a dream.  But while it is on your tongue, it will be as sweet as honey.”

For those who question me, I am not one who hears an audible, booming voice from the heavens.  But, I do hear the clear voice of God.  It is deep in my spirit.  It is deep within my soul.  The words spoken in the quote above are simply paraphrased from Exodus 16 above.  But, I KNOW they are for me.

I may not be able to go back and gather manna from the past, as it has melted away.  But, I will not regret.  For I have learned my lesson in obedience.

If I want to get out of my wilderness and show God that I am ready to pass this “test to see if I will follow” His instructions, then I will not look back.

He is my God.  He provides manna daily for me.

It will be sweet to me and to those with whom I share it.

I will seek Him and I will share Him.

I will follow hard after Him.

I will obey Him by gathering the manna daily and taking the time to write it down.

I love You, Lord!

Jury Duty

The Jury Summons came sometime in late April.  It has been quite a while since I have received one, and my children are now old enough that I can no longer claim them as the “exemption” for needing full time, at home care.

I had logged on to the website with my given juror ID and password and was assigned a future date during the summer.  As is standard, the day before I anxiously awaited the clock to strike 6:01 P.M. so that I could call the recorded line to hear if I needed to report the next morning. 

Ugh!  I hate to say it, but that was my honest exclamation, and I did not want the recording to tell me that, “All jurors are to arrive at the County Court House at 8:30 A.M.” 

Take a moment, Lisa.  Perspective.

“You will guard me and keep me in perfect and constant peace when my mind is stayed on You, because I commit myself to You, lean on You and hope confidently in You.”

Isaiah 26:3

I had just finished my week in a new Bible study about Abram (later to be re-named Abraham) and the call on his life from God to “Go”.

My sweet friends and I were going to meet that night to discuss the first week’s lesson and I had to admit that I was late in getting my days underway.  They did ask, inquire and request suggestions of what we wanted to study this summer, but as usual, I kept silent and didn’t vote.  When I got my book, it just didn’t grab my attention and so, I just let is set on my desk and, well…… set.

Then, out of obligation, I began.

Genesis 12:1 – 5

The Lord said to Abram, “Leave your country, your relatives, and your father's home, and go to a land that I am going to show you.  I will give you many descendants, and they will become a great nation. I will bless you and make your name famous, so that you will be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you,


But I will curse those who curse you.


And through you I will bless all the nations.”

Then, I began to find out why God had this study picked out JUST for ME and JUST for NOW!

He is so amazing and makes me laugh sometimes.  The God of Heaven and Earth knew exactly what I would be going through today and that I would put off this lesson for 3 days and that I needed it today, even in my delay.  Ha!  His Grace is definitely sufficient for ME!

Well, anyway, I began to read, as I had studied about Abraham before that God simply asked him to pick up and “Go”, but did not tell him where.  The study tells him to leave his home (called Ur) and his “usual routine.”. 

That stopped me in my tracks.  I had just quit my job with a “call on my life” from God to slow down, take time to worship, study and listen to Him;  to seek and inquire of Him; and to write and pursue women’s ministry.  God has asked me to “Go” from my “usual routine” but He has not told me where…. Yet!

Comfort.  God using the ordinary and flawed people to follow Him and carry out His will.  Yes, Lord.  Those are the only two words I can put together.

Not only had God asked Abram to, “Go”, but He had promised to “bless” him and make him a great nation.  But, as Abram traveled with his wife, Sarai (later Sara), they came to Egypt where Abram feared for their safety.  So he schemed a plan and told Sarai that he would pass her off as his sister, because of her great beauty.  For his concern was that she would be taken from him, and that he would be killed.

Fear had taken over.  Most likely, the promises of God were still so new to him that they had not sunk deeply into Abram’s heart.  His many years of self reliance kicked in and gave way to his plan.

Unfortunately, his plan was a failure and the Pharaoh took Sarai as his own.  Not until God sent diseases to plague the kingdom of Egypt, did Pharaoh become enraged and give her back to Abram and set them free.

If only Abram had trusted God.  “I will bless you,” He had said.

Jury Duty.  I know, it’s not Egypt!  There is no possible loss of life for me.

But, there is death:  the death of my plans for the week; the death of my thoughts trapped in a courtroom of negative manipulation; the death of my free will and my time.

Rest assured, I have been given multiple suggestions on “how to avoid jury duty”, all by well meaning friends and family. 

One even mentioned the option of just not attending.  Evidently, they don’t have enough time or manpower to track down the offenders who violate this.  Another stated that I should be extremely opinionated and raise my hand and object every question and or situation that arises.  And still others directed me to websites listing multiple options "out".

And then God rested heavily on my heart and told me that I needed to simply trust Him.  That He was the sovereign God who created and owned all things…..  including my time.  How much do I trust Him?  This was my opportunity, in the small and simple choices to demonstrate to Him that I put myself in His hands. I need to show honor to the responsibilities of this life and to God.

I trust You Lord:  with my plans for this week; with my thoughts; with my free will and my time.

And so, I got up early, followed my typical routine at the gym and, after getting ready for the day, headed off to the courthouse.   For the entire 20-minute drive, I quieted my heart, praying out loud, alone in my car.  I asked Him to fill me with His peace, His Spirit and give me the correct attitude.  I prayed that if I was faced with questions, that I would give answers that I would not regret or feel were less than truthful or forced.

I had even packed a tote bag with extra things to read and work on, as I heard it could be a long day of sitting and waiting.

At 8:30 the roll call began and we filed into the small courtroom.  It certainly wasn’t alphabetical, but they did call me near the end.  We filled out our paperwork and then took a 20 minute break; for what I’m not certain.

Upon the next roll call, the names began again, but this time, after the first 26 names, she suddenly stopped!

The door to the courtroom closed.  The clerk looked up from her list, and began, “The attorneys have decided to only accept 26 jurors for today.  If I call your last name, you are free to go….”

Praise God!  He was faithful!  I was FREE to Go!

And if He had not released me from this Jury Duty, I had a peaceful and calm heart ready to serve. 

He had humbled me and let me learn a lesson through Abram and Sarai from so many generations ago.

What a great God we serve when we are humble and believe that He is our God and He will fulfill His promises to bless us.

But, I must keep in mind all that God had told Abram, for it also applies to us,

“I will bless you …, so that you will be a blessing.”

I am certainly not seeking fame, nor am asking for God to make me famous as was the middle of this verse.   Abram was later named Abraham for his faith and God rewarded him and kept His promises of generations.  Many referred to the one we call God as “The God of Abraham” since there were people of that time that worshiped many gods.  That is the fame that omitted from this verse.

However, I do not want to miss the second command of this verse.  God blessed me today, in many ways.

What I need to do is to bless others.  I now need to BE A BLESSING.

God does not just want to bless us because He loves us.  He wants us to pass it along and share His blessings.

STOP.  BREATHE and take that in!

God wants to bless you to BE A BLESSING.

I’m heading out to share….  He told me to Go!

What will you do with your blessings today?  Have you counted them?

Now share.