Babies Cry a Lot

She didn't speak to me for at least a day. It was my punishment.  After all, it was entirely my fault; I had taken her playmate away.

Fifteen years has passed since that day and I find myself facing the silence once more.  The house seems so empty without her.   Not that she had ever been a loud child, but she was always here, close by my side; my first-born daughter.

She left for college to start a new chapter in her life, after so many years spent training, sweating, and practicing. Finally, the goal had been achieved: college volleyball.

Instead of starting in the Fall like most Freshmen, athletes often begin in the summer for two-a-day training and summer school.  The campus has a hushed tone, and the buzz of the typical social crowd is replaced by the wave of the Texas heat.

Into week two and a few phone calls home, I realize that I didn’t get this one right.  My daughter was not experiencing the “greatest time of life” that her dad and I spoke of as we reminisced our college past.  She wasn’t living the life envisioned all those years she had practiced and dreamed. 

How did I forget the lesson learned so many years ago…  babies cry a lot!

She was three years old when we excitedly shared the news that she was going to be a big sister.  I was 12 weeks pregnant and it was the “safe” time to tell others that we were expecting our second child.  So, we couldn’t wait to tell our sweet girl, too.

And sadly, three weeks later, our baby to be, was no longer.  After we were certain that there were no sign of life, I had to undergo a minor surgery.

How do you explain this to a three year old?  Just telling her the baby didn’t exist any more wasn’t reasonable, nor true.  He (we decided it was our boy) was in heaven with Jesus and that is what we told her.  He was not strong enough to live here on this earth and God wanted him close.

But three year olds are concrete and believe in what is seen.  This was too conceptual.  It had to be someone’s fault that her “playmate” would not come home.  I guess it became mine.

It was so strange to feel her disengage from me for a day or two.  But, knowing she hurt too, made me stronger through the process.

After the tears dried and the laughter arose once more, I was given advice for my next pregnancy.  “Don’t tell your daughter that you are pregnant until she asks about your big belly.”  And, “Tell her that when the baby comes home it will cry and sleep a lot.”  And, whatever you do, don’t tell her that she is getting a playmate.

The big lesson here:  Set reasonable expectations to avoid disappointment.

The lesson then:  Babies Cry a Lot.

The lesson now:  The first part of the freshman year at college is a hard adjustment.

How on earth did I forget that?  My freshman year was rough!

But, my husband and I were looking back on the full four (to five) years of college as a whole experience and the great part of life it can be.  We beamed when we told our daughter how great these years ahead would be for her.

Uh oh!  We forgot to tell her that, “Babies Cry a Lot.”

I realized that over the years I had just grown to be so strong for both of my daughters.  I have given positive pep talks and held my chin high.  I have cried with them and prayed for them and held their hand often. 

But I have not told them how many past struggles I faced.  How did I get so strong? 

I had pain. 

I was lonely. 

I was hurt. 

I was lost. 

I struggled. 

I found life hard at times.

Sure there have been many happy and joyful chapters in my life, but I don’t think I have taken time to share the most difficult times; those times when I really had to reflect on who I was, how much I needed God and lean heavily on Him.

And when I didn’t?  What a mess.

But when I did; what a beautiful story!

It’s great to tell our children of the good times in our lives.  But, I think we also need to let them know we have struggled as well, to be vulnerable; and, like babies, cried a lot.

 

Exodus tells us of how God led the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt to the Promised Land.  God gave them the Ten Commandments through his servant Moses, but not without struggle for His people for 40 years of wandering.  He told the people not to forget the struggle and to tell their children.

Deuteronomy 20-25

 The next time your child asks you, “What do these requirements and regulations and rules that God, our God, has commanded mean?” tell your child, “We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt and God powerfully intervened and got us out of that country. We stood there and watched as God delivered miracle-signs, great wonders, and evil-visitations on Egypt, on Pharaoh and his household. He pulled us out of there so he could bring us here and give us the land he so solemnly promised to our ancestors. That’s why God commanded us to follow all these rules, so that we would live reverently before God, our God, as he gives us this good life, keeping us alive for a long time to come.  It will be a set-right and put-together life for us if we make sure that we do this entire commandment in the Presence of God, our God, just as he commanded us to do